More

"More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish to in order that I may again Christ..." --Philippians 3:8

In my adult life, I have struggled with more. To be precise, my struggle has been with those who have more.  And, to be painfully honest, it is with those who have more material wealth than I do.  I  somehow feel that I haven't quite measured up to my peers who are better off financially than I am.

Part of that inadequacy is dressed up as concern for my family; what if they didn't have worry about my job security? What if my spouse didn't have to worry about a mortgage, or an unreliable car, or whether or not we could afford to go on vacation?  And what if our children didn't have to worry about being relocated while they are still in school?

I know I shouldn't feel inadequate,  but I sometimes do. And it hurts.

I know it seems ridiculous.  My spouse and children don't judge me on my net worth.  I know I shouldn't.  However, I also know that this struggle is hard because it is not a physical one, but a spiritual one.  I know that it is even hard for people who have more.  I know people who don't have to worry about providing for their basic needs for the rest of their lives, live in beautiful homes, visit exciting places, but still feel inadequate sometimes, too.

I even know the antidote for inadequacy based on a worldly value system. Only Jesus satisfies.

And Paul said of worldly gain, "I count it all poop."

That's really what it says.  We clean it up because we find his language so startling.  However, I think Paul really meant to say, "poop." Our value is not based on what we have, but Who we know.

However, even knowing all the right answers, when I see the poop dressed up in something shiny and fast, or in a paid-off mortgage, I find it surprisingly attractive.  So, my prayer this week is to live more fully in Who I know, to be seduced less and less by the treasures of this world, and for those with more to feel a little pinch...

I know. I will also pray for forgiveness.

Chruch Stopping. Less Doing. More Being.

Jealousy

(Photo courtesy of of Free Images, Alex Bobzien)

"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Proverbs 14:30

She was beautiful. Low. Rare. German. And she stole a piece of my heart as she left the parking lot where I worked. I had never seen her before.

I was on my way to dinner with my wife and two boys because it was Wednesday night and our favorite restaurant had ten-dollar pizzas.  We were driving our old station wagon which has nearly 300 thousand miles.  I often complain about the taxes and registration and maintenance costs on this old car, and so the distance between me and the German beauty increased as she proceeded down the street.

And I turned green.

At dinner, I confessed. I told my wife about the encounter that I had, and she smiled.  "Look at me.  Look at these boys. Look at this pizza. What else could you possibly want?"

She was right.  I sometimes see a cool car or a big house or a fancy watch and think, "Man! That must be nice."  Instead of being happy for the blessings I have been given, and there are many...many that maybe the guy driving away in that German beauty would gladly give his incredible car for...but I sometimes miss them in my desire for more stuff.

My family and I had a great dinner. After dinner, we took the boys to a fountain of their youth downtown we used to go to when they were smaller, "The jumping waters" they called it.  They played in the water as my wife and I visited and listened to a street musician playing first the fiddle and then the banjo.  It was a beautiful night and and we walked back to our old car full of ten-dollar pizza and many reminders of God's graciousness.  As we drove home in our station wagon (with brand-new seats and brand-new coil packs, I might add!) I thought some more about that cool car I had seen earlier.

I know.  I am deeply flawed.

I did some research.  The German has two motors...and electric motor powering the front wheels and a gasoline engine powering the back wheels working together in technological synchronicity.  The technology involved moves more than the driver of the car...in some ways, we all benefit.  Human beings can make beautiful things.  

But, sometimes we don't and sometimes it is easy to be jealous. God is still working on me...and I still really like that car, but I don't want, "rotten bones!" I don't want to miss all the blessings that God has poured out on me.

Church Stopping. Less doing. More being.

High Above the Fray

(Picture courtesy of Sam Segar.  www.freeimages.com)

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights..." --James 1:17

To be swallowed whole in wonder-thought -

Gazing deep and free.

Ancient light pierces night,

Upon a starry sea.

To tread upon a scented path -

High above the fray.

A rolling sea to infinity,

Sun melting clouds away.

To hear a crystal voice raise clear -

Lifting hearts and souls...

To Love's strong beams and deeper dreams,

Where God's laughter rolls.

To sleep on downy warmth and touch -

Embraced by little hands.

A cherub sweet, a house complete...

A gift greater than our plans.

To sink into cerulean eyes -

Falling higher up and deeper in.

A fearless heart. The wisest part...

Wrapped-up in beautiful skin.

The sun sets true on the African plain -

A deep bass booms into the world.

Front row seats as calling meets,

And God's plan is ever unfurled.

Today, we'll struggle and we'll dance -

And we'll run out of time.

But I won't let go for I know,

These riches are divine.  

Less doing. More being.

True Confessions

(picture courtesy of Chris Collins/www.freeimages.com)

"Be still and know that I am God."  -- Psalm 46:10

I have not been very good lately at keeping the Sabbath.

I have not been very good lately at writing.

This is painful for me to admit because I know the importance of both.  I know that if I don't take time to take a break, I am tired and stressed and no good to anyone for the rest of the week.  If I don't take time to write, my very full life begins to seem very empty.

It hasn't always been this way...

My wife and I used to be very good about Sabbath-keeping. This was before family, at least before the two-footed kind.  Our dogs always insisted we stop.  They were always eager to go to the Mines of Spain Recreational area on the edge of town, take a romp in the woods, and be free. My wife and I had an opportunity to reconnect with one another,  with God, and we were free to dream big dreams.  Because we were in school, there was always writing to be done.

Soon, however, our lives became fuller and fuller, the way that all lives tend to do, like a hard-to-reach mosquito. Now, instead of dogs leading us into the wild, we are being led to baseball games, and band practice, and careers.  Sometimes our family of five feels like stowaways on a ship.  We are excited about the destination, we love the things that we are doing, but sometimes we forget to enjoy the journey. We forget to stop and look out at this vast sea and be reminded of the One who placed us here together.

My hope is that summer will yield a moment or two to breathe deep and be still, maybe even write a little.

And in these mercurial moments of summertime stillness, my deepest dream is to reconnect with God.  Over the years, I have learned all the right answers. I have been blessed with a beautiful family, a healthy marriage, and a second shot at life itself, but in the last two years, I have let the gift of a full life come between me and the author of life. Writing it all down, these true confessions, is (hopefully) the first step towards reconnecting to the One who first loved me.

Now, off to baseball practice...

Stronger: Part Two

(Multnoma Falls in Oregon...not the creek in which I was wading!)

When I look at thy heavens, the work of they fingers, the moon and the stars which thou has established; what is man that thou art mindful of him, and the son of man that thou dost care for him?  Yet thou hast made him little less than God, and dost crown him with glory and honor. (Psalm 8:3-5)

"The dark night is when (Christians) lose all the pleasure that they once experienced in their devotional life. This happens because God wants to purify them and move them on to greater heights." -John of the Cross

I remember the moment I slipped off that rock that I was sitting on with my sister.  The excitement of the creek rushing all around me did not last long.  And I don't know if it was a bump from my sister or simply a misplaced step on that mossy rock we were sharing...but soon, I slipped and found myself bobbing down stream just under the surface of the rolling water.  I remember holding my breath, looking up, and watching all the trees and the rocks on the bank of the creek pass by.  I don't remember being scared.  After all, I knew my father was not too far off and I knew that he would rescue me.

He remembers the moment that he saw my head of hair floating through his fishing hole.  That was all that he could see, but it was enough.  At that time in my life, I didn't enjoy getting my hair cut and my hair was probably a little too long.  However, it was a good thing because my father dropped his pole, ran along the bank, and then plunged his hand into that rushing water, grabbed my longish hair, and with one mighty heave, pulled me out of the brink and raced me over to the picnic table where my mother stripped me of my dripping clothes...including my Husky jeans...and placed them on a nearby branch to dry.

The same is true of our faith. We may slip, and it seems that all that is left of our spiritual life is hanging out to dry, but we aren't far from our Father's grasp. 

In these moments, John of the Cross encourages us to hold our breath and take a look inward. There are dangers as we grow in our relationship with Christ. Sometimes we crave the experience of our faith more than the Author of our faith. John of the Cross called this, "Spiritual Greed."  Sometimes, we become spiritually lazy.  Once upon a time we had that moment on the rock in the middle of the creek when our relationship with God was young and exciting and rewarding, but somehow other things have become more important. We quit praying and reading God's word. We skip church and don't study. John of the Cross called this, "Spiritual Sloth."  Or, maybe, we see that someone else is experiencing God in an exciting way and it just doesn't seem fair because they are a new Christian and we have been at it a lot longer. John of the Cross calls this state, "Spiritual Envy."  

When you enter that Dark night, hold your breath.  Look in. Be honest, but also be gentle with yourself.  God loves you and He isn't far off...

And keep looking up.  Preferably, look up far from town on a clear night. Consider the innumerable stars and the vast reaches of space and then remind yourself of God's power.  He will save you.  This too shall pass.

The Dark Night will happen. It's normal. No one is to blame, not even my sister.  When it happens, remember to hold your breath and remember God's love, but also look up and remember His power. He will come for you and He is stronger than you know.  Amen

Church stopping. Less doing. More being.

Stronger: Part One

I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven - whether in the body or out of the body I do not know, God knows. I know that this man was caught up into Paradise-- whether in the body or out of the body, I do not know, God knows - and he heard things that cannot be told, which man may not utter.(Paul the Apostle, 2 Corinthians 12:2-3)

"The dark night is when (Christians) lose all the pleasure that they once experienced in their devotional life. This happens because God wants to purify them and move them on to greater heights." -John of the Cross

When I was growing up, our family would spend Memorial Day in the small town where my mother spent her childhood. We would visit family, than stop at the park for a gourmet picnic lunch.  My mother is a pro at picnics. While she set about transforming the rustic table into a beautiful setting fitting for a delicious meal, my father would race over to the creek tumbling off the hillside for some much-anticipated fishing while my big sister and I would get busy exploring.

I remember on one occasion, when the creek was swollen with spring, my sister, who is three years older than I am, managed to work her way out on to a rock that sat in the middle of that roiling water.  It looked amazing and I simply had to join her there on that magnificent perch.  It wasn't easy for me. My father told me at the time I was about three years old and, at that stage of life, I was short and round.  My mother always told me, "Husky", was just the brand of jeans that I wore...but I made it, and for a few wonderful moments, I joined my sister on that rock as the water rushed by.  It was thrilling, and a little bit scary.

Sometimes are spiritual lives are like that.

We know that it was for Paul.  Most Biblical scholars believe that Paul is being humble here in this passage from 2 Corinthians, and the "man in Christ" that Paul knows and that was caught up to the "third heaven" was Paul himself.  And, in the Biblical understanding of heaven, the "third heaven" and "Paradise" was probably very similar to Isaiah's vision in Isaiah 6:1-5.  Paul is recounting a time in his life where he felt as if he was in the very presence of God. It was thrilling, and a little bit scary.

Perhaps you have has such an experience.

You have felt the presence of God in worship or in prayer. You feel that you are in the very presence of God.  And, when you read the Bible, you are amazed that even familiar passages come alive and God speaks to you in new and exciting ways. I hope you have experienced the "third heaven"; the love and power of God. This experience is one of the most exciting seasons in a Christian's life.

But it isn't always like that.

Sometimes we experience what John of the Cross in the 16th century called the, "Dark night of the Soul."  Even in the 21st century, the dark night is still something that Christians should be familiar with.  While it is true that God will never leave us or forsake us, sometimes it seems like God is distant.  We feel far away from that third heaven, the seraphim, and the shaking ground (see Isaiah 6:3-5).  We feel like we are just going through the motions of worship and prayer. God's word, which once felt so alive, now seems thick and dry. But don't despair.

Such experiences are normal. When we go through them, hold on because we are about to discover that God's love and power are stronger than we could ever imagine.

(...to be continued.)

Church stopping. Less doing. More being.

No Fear

Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off. - Proverbs 23:18

(A guest post my my beautiful wife, Jennifer.)

This is us...winning the Disney vegetable car race.  Well, OK, we didn't win the race but they gave us a medal for best team name..."Corn-fed." But these medals might as well have been Olympic gold because I like to think they were hard-fought and won.  This time last summer, fear came knocking at our door.  Actually, fear broke the door down and started hauling off our personal belongings. Things like our future, our joy, our life as we knew it.

But that was silly. 

Fear wasn't, and isn't, welcome.  So let me bear witness to what Cancer and fear cannot take...they can't take true friendship and the depth family will go to lift you up. They can't take the ability to respond to suffering and pain with dignity and courage. My heroic husband went through fire and was not burned. It was hell. That's all there was to it, but I stand firm in a faith that believes hell has been defeated.

So stick it, Cancer. Stick it fear.

Those pictured here are stronger, healthier, better people than we were a yer ago.  I am forever grateful for all of those who prayed us through the last year. Geoff is feeling great. Everyday he gets stronger...and funnier...and more himself. He's on no medication and has no pain.  For all the bad news on social media let us be bearers of some good news. Hope is stronger than fear and cancer doesn't get a voice.

Church stopping. Less doing. More being.