In your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Psalm 16:11)
I would have thought it would be easier to stop by now...stop running, stop racing, stop trying so hard to keep up with my list.
This little pansy in our front flower bed gives me hope, though. It has been snowed upon and frozen, whipped by rain and wind and it has never been anywhere else in all of it's life...except a brief stint in the nursery. Yet, there seems to be joy in this hardy little splash of color, "fullness of joy."
Joy is harder for me. I have a list. It is quite embarrassing, really. The bathroom that is still not done after four years...my miniature wood pile...trips to see my family that haven't happened in several years. These are things on my list that I must do, and want to do, but never seem to have the time. I try, but they are elusive, like a mirage I can't quite catch.
In addition, there are the things that I really don't want to do but wonder if I should. These are things that are on someone else's list and things that I don't dream of doing; things like climbing Everest or a Colorado sixteener; things like Class IV rapids and running a marathon or sky diving. These things haunt me like shoes that don't quite fit.
"Am I doing something wrong?" I asked my wife. (She has heard this before!) "Am I doing enough?"
"What more do you need?" She asks. "Will you ever be content?"
"I know," I said, "You and the kids are so awesome. I love you and I will do anything for you. But that's not what I mean. There is no fire in my belly. I thought I wanted to be a pastor, a writer, a farmer, and a helicopter pilot. Now, I just want to sit in front of the fire and take a nap."
"What if you decided to make your life, your ordinary, humdrum life...special? What if you made this life fun and loved those who long to be with you more deeply than you ever have? What if you were content to live this life you live, rooted and beautiful, and be filled with all the joy and pleasures God has promised?"
"You are right," I said. "You are saying I should live like a pansy?"
She smiled, and it was as if God smiled through her, "In My presence there is fullness and joy, in My right hand are pleasures forevermore."
Church Stopping. Less Doing. More Being.
