Led

Photo from www.freeimages.com #1369726"

"He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul." Psalm 23:2 (RSV)

It has always been easy for me to follow my Shepherd.  As an infant, I was baptized with my father. Easy. Our family went to church every week...and I loved to go so worship was easy! I loved the prayers and communion. I loved the sermon and I loved the songs-no matter how old or young they were. Sunday school was the best and and I still remember the replica of the Ten Commandments that my class recreated out of sandpaper. For several years, my father was my youth group leader.  As I look back at those times now, I realize that I was lying down in green pastures. I had been led beside still waters and it was well with my soul. It was easy to follow my Shepherd.

Things changed this summer. It wasn't as easy for me to follow my Shepherd.  The chemotherapy and radiation treatments took their toll. As the weeks progressed, I lost 40 pounds and became progressively weaker.  My mouth turned dry and I couldn't taste my food.  I became more and more nauseated and tired. My three boys couldn't understand why their dad had to sleep all day, even when it was perfect weather to throw the baseball.  My wife had to manage the household chores...more than usual! And every day I would make my way to radiation oncology and take my seat by the other sick patients, waiting for my name to be called.  When I was summoned, I proceeded to take my place on a bare metal table where I would be laid down.  Then, a fiberglass net would be placed over my head and shoulders and clamped to the table. I was immobilized from my shoulders up so that the machine whirring over my head could direct the field of radiation exactly where it needed to go.  In those moments of anxiety, unable to move and praying that I wouldn't get sick, these words came to mind, "He makes me to lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul."

Except this time, there were no green pastures to be seen. This time, I thirsted for those still waters. This time, I wondered if my soul would ever be restored.  All I had was the promise that He would lead me.

I don't believe that God gave me my cancer, but I do believe that God rushed into those treatments with me and began to lead me to a different place; a place where there is more living for today and less worry about tomorrow; a place where there is more joy and less sorrow; a place where there is more laughter and joy and hugs and words of encouragement and less anger while driving.  My family can bear witness today that I still have a long ways to go!

Now, I have completed those treatments and I am gaining strength every day.  During treatments I wondered, but looking back it is clear, that the Shepherd was always with me. I would come to church when I could and Jean would give me a hug.  Daniel would tell me that I was looking good and when he did, I wanted to say, "Liar Liar! Pants on fire!"  But I cherished those words and those hugs and everybody who told me that they were praying for me and our family along the way.  They were a lifeline tethering me to the love of God.  And Pastor Catherine came to visit me several times at work.  Many people provided meals for our family and every day I received at least one card in the mail from someone telling us that they were lifting us up. I often doubted what God was doing, but I never doubted that I was being led.

I am so thankful that those treatments are over.  And I am eternally grateful for the new place that my Shepherd is leading me.  And I can tell you with absolute conviction today that I have never been more certain, even when it was easy, that the Lord is my Shepherd and He makes me to lie down in green pastures and he leads me beside still waters and He restores my soul.  

Side Effects

(Big Brutus, near Mineral, KS)

About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them." (Acts 16:25)

Sometimes, fighting cancer is just managing the side effects of the medicine used to treat the bigger problem. For example, my first round of chemo left me nauseous for two weeks. To combat the anticipated nausea for the second round (which happens Wednesday) I have several different medicines on hand...just in case. 

I also have medicine available for pain.

Unfortunately, one of the side effects of both the medicine used to treat nausea and those used to treat pain are "digestive issues"...particularly the type of issue that begins with "consti" and ends in "pation." I've always been very regular. I was not prepared.

Constipation is no picnic.

In fact, last week, I was nearly paralyzed with this condition.  For the three-hour nightmare, I had no idea how to remove the football that was lodged in my lower gastrointestinal tract.  I called my gastroenterologist. Not available. I called again. Still not available. I was told that he was in "procedures." I didn't care about anyone else's procedures. In fact, I started to panic. I wasn't getting any better.  Finally, I called my little sister who was visiting and is also a physician.  This phone call should have been humiliating, but I was past the point of any pride.

"I think I need to go to emergency room," I managed to squeak.

"Slow down," my little sister said.

"I can't get much slower," I thought, "Things are pretty much at a standstill."

"There are some things we can try.  If you can make it home, I will run to the pharmacy and meet you there with the 'supplies'," she said. "We'll hit this thing from above and below."

This sounded ominous, but considering my situation, I agreed and  decided to leave work since I wasn't being overly productive.

At home, I was met by both my sister and my wife and a bag full of medicine.  I was coached through my treatments, which, while humbling, was also rewarding because these two women are both mothers and I have a new appreciation for what it is they went through in child birth.  I never knew.  It was terrible, but soon I had a breakthrough. Afterwards, I was pooped. I napped for about an hour, but it wasn't for two more days before I began to feel my regular self again.

Needless to say, I am taking special care with my digestive health these days because I never, ever want to experience that  place again.  I am convinced that this "side effect" was the weapon of Lucifer used to derail me from my treatment protocol.

Well, stick it, Satan!

And I believe that is one way the Devil works. He tries to get us focused on the side effects and we deal with them and it takes a lot out of us and we began to wonder if it is all worth it.  Sometimes the side effects make us forget that there is something bigger lurking in the shadows. Sometimes we forget that we are engaged in a big and important battle, but when we remember we experience Paul and Silas faith; faith to get us through the hard times, and never lose site of what it is we are really trying to accomplish. This kind of faith is Samson and his one last lean on Dagon's temple.  It is King David composing one more hymn of faith in the middle of deep darkness. (eg. Psalm 22)  It is Esther approaching the king.  It is going to worship and and prayer when everything in your life turns inside out.  It is faith to keep us focused on the bigger problem we are dealing with, not just the side effects.  

Church Stopping. Less Doing. More Being. 

Pinned.

(Photo by Travis Heying, Wichita Eagle, 2016)

"Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies;"

-Psalm 23:5a

Pinned. Stuck.  Trapped. It is a bit unsettling.  For the last twelve days, I have been repeating these words as I undergo radiation treatments for the cancer in my throat.  Actually, I have been thinking these words, not actually speaking them.  During these treatments, my head is fastened to the table via a mesh mask that is designed to keep me from moving even a twitch.  This allows for accurate targeting of the treatments, but does not allow for oral recitation of these words of comfort.

I am powerless, but God is at work.

Our middle son, Isaac, when he was just about three years old, had some difficulty sounding the letter "r".  I remember one evening, we were in the middle of a real, mid-western, spring zephyr. There was thunder and lightning, wind and rain, and even a tornado siren.  The whole family was huddled in the basement waiting for the tornado warning to expire and I was visibly nervous.  I was worried about the roof, the trees, and the insurance paperwork, and  Isaac said, "Daddy, don't be afraid of tomatoes, God is with us in the storm and He will keep us safe."

Isaac knew that God was at work even when we were stuck in the basement and powerless to do anything about the storm.

And God did keep us safe that night, though it was scary. However, I know that sometimes, the tornadoes do come. The trees do fall.  Sometimes the storms in life pummel roofs, sometimes they tear at our hearts, and sometimes they do violence to our bodies. They are painful, heart-wrenching, and even devastating. Sometimes we feel pinned down. We can't move and even if we could, we aren't sure where we would go or what we would do.

We feel powerless, but God is at work.

...even on that treatment table. It is uncomfortable and nerve-wracking, and painful, but it has also been a humbling and awesome experience to feel God work when I can't move.  I don't know for sure what God is doing, but He is at work in me and around me and maybe even through me. I am convinced that when this is over, I won't be in the same place I was in the beginning.

Still, it is no fun.  And I can still think of others who might be more deserving of this affliction. But I am beginning to experience God in a new way.  When I am stuck, I am absolutely convinced that God at work, preparing a table of blessings, holding me close, and reminding me not to be afraid of tomatoes.

Church Stopping. Less doing. More Being.

Underneath His Wings

(This photo has been circulating on Facebook and I cannot find a reference...however,

it is an amazing picture.  Thank you for sharing!)

"He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge..." (Psalm 91:4)

It's been a while since I have posted.  A little over three months.

However, this hiatus all began about sixteen months ago.  What started out as a severe sore throat and ear pain has progressed to a forty-pound weight loss and chronic fatigue.  I have seen five doctors, a chiropractor, a natural healer, and a spiritual healer.  I have been prayed on, over, and anointed.  And, about six months ago, my weight loss leveled out. Praise the Lord! He covered me with His pinions.  With the exception of the severe ear and throat pain, I was able to maintain my daily routine.

It was a lot of work.  My wife and I have always tried to eat good, healthy food, but we had taken it to an extreme in the last six months. I ate no sugar, no soy (soy is in everything!), I cut out dairy, wheat, and even meat-based protein.  We began to juice.  We juiced beets, and celery, and carrots, lemons, and even kale.  Our three boys weren't terribly enthusiastic, but they were good sports.

However, I was still waking up two and three times a night because of the pain.  And, in April, I began to lose weight again, my voice changed, and I began to have a difficult time swallowing.  We knew whatever was wrong was getting worse and we made another appointment with another physician for June 14, 2016.

That is a day my world shrank.

The doctor came highly recommended by our family's doctor. He asked me many questions, then pushed my tongue down and had me say, "Ahh."

"Oh," he said, "You have cancer." (oral-pharangeal)

My wife and I were stunned.  We couldn't believe what we were hearing.  We had been thinking food allergies. But the biopsy confirmed the diagnosis and on Wednesday, July 6, I go in for my first round of chemotherapy and radiation.  It has been devastating to us, but in the middle of it, we have seen God at work.  He has given us a peace. We have also had momentary meltdowns.  Then, in those low moments, God stuffs the mailbox with cards from friends, family, and church community.  We met with a friend who has survived this type of cancer. God has graced our table with dinners provided by parents of students from the boys' school and from the church. My parents made an 1100 mile drive to help us catch up with projects around the house and help with the kiddos while we met with oncologists and gastroenterologists and the specialists at Smoothie King.

It has been an amazing and beautiful thing to see how the church works.  It's been incredible, actually.

I find myself in a paradox of fear and peace.  I can't see the ground from this high branch.  I don't know how I am going to make it to the next one...but, somehow, I feel the prayers, and I know that under his wings, I have  found refuge.

Church Stopping. Less Doing. More Being.

The Harrowing of Hell

"The Harrowing of Hell" by Duccio di Buoninsegna (1308-1311)

For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous,

to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit,

through whom also he went and preached to the spirits in prison who disobeyed long ago when 

God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built... (1Peter 3:18-20a)

...at the name of Jesus every knee should bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the Glory of God the Father.

(Philippians 2:10-11)

"He descended into hell." (The Lord's Prayer)

Holy Saturday. We don't talk about it much.  We are reminded of the cost of our salvation on Good Friday and then the actualization of our salvation on Easter Sunday. We skip over Saturday because we don't like to dwell on the dead body of Jesus lying in the tomb.

But Jesus wasn't dead. Not totally...

Crucified in the body but alive in the Spirit, Jesus went to Hades where he preached to the prisoners who had long ago died during the deluge.  

It makes us uncomfortable.

Because if Jesus was made known to those who did not have a chance to know him in their lifetime on earth, those that even "disobeyed" God, than there is the suggestion that those who die without a saving knowledge of Christ today will still have a chance to meet him face to face and accept Christ as Lord and Savior when they die. 

Perish the thought.

Because if the Lord really "descended into Hell" and if 'every knee should bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth," then our belief in Christ has to mean more than just life with Him after we die. If Jesus is available to the living and the dead, then those of us who are living can no longer think of salvation as just a divine insurance policy, redeemable upon death.  

At least, not according to Scripture.

The harrowing of hell means that no one is really beyond the love of God. And if this is true, than Christianity limited to a post-mortem, empty-tomb, reward is not enough. There has to be some merit to knowing the Lord before death. 

Of course there is. 

The veil has been torn between us and the holy. We have access to the Creator...the wonder of this world and the promise of the world to come. Our faith has one foot planted in the sealed tomb of Saturday and the other planted in the empty tomb of Sunday. We are Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday people.  We have life with God today and life with God for ever and we can never fall out of the reach of our Savior who will storm the gates of Hell for all who would follow Him.

Church Stopping. Less Doing, More Being.

Sleep on It

Nearly done with the tree house!

(Elijah) lay down and slept under a broom tree; and behold, and angel touched him, and said 

to him, "Arise and eat." (1 Kings 19:5)

When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you. (Proverbs 6:22-23)

Have you ever noticed that the solution to a problem, or the answer to a major decision in life, seems more clear after you lie down?  We shouldn't be surprised. Neuroscientists  believe that the brain receives nutrients and believe that toxins are removed during sleep.  Researchers believe that the brain organizes and stores memories during sleep. And, I believe, God speaks to us as we sleep.

And, sometimes, angels come to us in the night.

When Elijah was on the run from Jezebel, he was led to a broom tree where he slept for two days before a forty-day journey to Mt. Horeb.  Angels came.  And it was God himself that spoke to young Samuel while he slept.   Jacob saw the ladder to heaven while he slept and Joseph dreamed dreams.  God appeared to Solomon in the dream where the king asked for wisdom.

Because wisdom, sometimes, comes in the night.

Over the last three months, working on the boys' tree house, I have often come up against various problems; Where should we build the tree house? How tall should the tree house be? How can the roof be sealed around the tree branch growing through the center? How are the kids going to get into the tree house when I remove the ladder?  How far apart should the floor joists be? Sometimes I can just call my friend Steve who has a lot of wisdom about tree house construction (and real house construction!). Sometimes, I don't even know how to ask Steve. Then, I just sleep on it.

After all, God speaks in the night.

I know, it is just a tree house, but it is also a backyard adventure, a secret hideout, a meeting place, and a place for boys to get off the ground and dream.  However, I am convinced that the solution to every problem that I have been faced with, not just with the tree house but in life...if I sleep on it...has become much clearer and often less scary.

And I believe that this is one of the main promises of Sabbath. We set down the hammer and nails and rest and allow God to speak to us, not just of floor joists, but of parental decisions and career moves, and relationships. God speaks to us, pragmatically, when we sleep, but also to that deep part of our minds connected to our hearts; that place where dreams live and we are reminded who we were created to be. 

Neuroscientists and researches talk about nocturnal brain activity in the form of nutrients and toxins and memories.  The faithful know that it is God that speaks in the night.

Church Stopping. Less Doing. More Being.

Road Trip: by Larry Snook

(The author hard at work on a tree house for the grandkids.)

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

Just before retiring, Geoff, Burl, and I took an awesome road trip to LaGrande, Oregon where I met with a member or the Oregon Public Employees Retirement System and got signed up for my Oregon retirement. But, to get to LaGrande, we took a fun route.

We had decided to go to the Oregon Coast and see my mother and Geoff's grandmother. We decided to leave the main highway when we left Ontario and cut across country through the Owyhee and Steens Mountain area. It was scenic and wild and we were running out of daylight when we approached the National Antelope Refuge in south central Oregon. We pulled off on a side road and drove out through a sagebrush-covered landscape and decided to pitch our tent along the two-track road. Geoff and Burl took a walk down to a pond in the draw below and Burl had the time of his life harassing the Avocets who lived there. After dinner we walked down the road as the sun was just setting and seemed to be sitting right on top of the tall sage. It was an awesome and beautiful sight. Then things changed. The setting sun seemed to trigger the howling instincts of coyotes and they began howling from all directions. Burl wanted to be carried back to camp. When we bedded down in our small tent, we had a visitor for the night. Burl crowded in between the two of us and did not give up his spot until daylight.

The next day we traveled on than, shortly after getting back on the refuge road, we saw a sign which read, "No camping allowed on the refuge". We traveled on to the refuge headquarters and took a long soak in the hot spring pools. Then on to Grants Pass, Oregon and took a beautiful back road over the coast range, down the Rogue River, and on to Bandon to see mother.

After our visit there we were on to Eastern Oregon and LaGrande for my meeting. After the meeting, we traveled through Wallowa County and my old stomping grounds and over to Lewiston, Idaho, We camped on the Lochsa River that night. Then, on over Lolo  Pass the next day and we made it to Butte, Montana for lunch. We toured the big copper mine and Geoff insisted on taking me to the famous Butte landmark, Pork Chop John's, to have their famous park chop sandwich! 

(What a fun trip, Dad! Thanks for the reminder.  It's about time we do it again. I love you, Geoff)

Church Stopping. Less Doing. More Being.